” Lord, please forgive me for what I have become!” These words still ring in my ears to remind me of the morning of March 12, 2008. I had awoke that morning in a cell in the Duval County Jail in Jacksonville, Florida. My clothes were torn and dirty. I had a huge headache from all the booze I had consumed the night before. Worst of all is I could not remember any of it or how I managed to wind up in jail. I had blacked out. My three month long drinking binge had come to an end. Any doubt about being an alcoholic was wiped clean from my mind. It is the day I finally completely surrendered myself to Jesus Christ. It is a day I will never forget!
On March 11, 1995, a Marine fresh out of boot camp on ten day leave, I married a beautiful woman named Connie. During our marriage we had two wonderful children, Kaitlin and Andrew. During our 4 year marriage, my drinking became worse and worse. I would not come home at night, had total disregard for her or my children, and barely had any respect for myself left. My inevitable decline had started. After many years of putting up with my attitudes, total disrespect, and my chronic alcoholism, we finally divorced at my request. Something that later in life would prove to be the biggest mistake I ever made. I abandoned my children and what was left of my life. Drinking was more important to me than my own family! Alcohol was my life now. I had become what I most hated in life!
March 11th always held a special place in my heart. Besides the usual self pity, guilt, and shame that I lived with everyday, March 11th reminded me of what I gave up, something that I could never get back. My family. This is something that still holds true today. Little by little as the years go by I am able to forgive myself a little more for what I had done to my wife and my children. March 11th, 2008 was the final straw that broke the camels back. I had endured all the guilt and shame that I could bear. I had been sober for a couple years prior to this relapse in November 2008. In four short months of drinking, I had become worse than ever. I know longer cared if I lived or died. I was utterly and truly hopeless. Or so I thought!
God saw it differently. The morning I cried out to Him for help, He was there! I expressed my sorrow, my pain, and all else. I gave myself to Him. With His grace, I have learned to live a life in Him. I have learned to forgive myself for the wrongs of my past. I have learned what it truly means to love and to be loved. I have learned and felt His unconditional love and forgiveness. I have learned to live a life of freedom from the bondage alcohol had kept me in for years. I am no longer trapped in my own prison. I am grateful beyond words!
“Gratitude, thankfulness, or appreciation is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.
I have received my freedom! Words cannot really explain this emotion I have. My passion for helping others is a direct action fueled by my gratitude. I will go to any length to help others feel this extraordinary emotion that I now possess! I feel it is only right to give back the gift of life that was so freely given to me!
Why help the homeless?
I am asked this question often. Well, Jesus had no home! Jesus walked from town to town, spending most of His time with the people on the streets. He was criticized for associating with the poor and forgotten people and often was run out of town. Jesus knew what it was to be hungry, thirsty, and tired. We want to follow His example and bring His message of hope and restoration to those who need it most. I too can say, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed,…”
I have been homeless numerous times from my alcoholism and the poor choices I made during my drinking days. I have felt the loneliness, despair, and utter hopelessness of addiction. It hurts. If I can help one person to fight their way out of bondage, then I did my job. We hope to help many fight their battles and enjoy the freedom that is possible. I am at a loss for words right now. This topic always stirs something inside me. I just hope that I can effect others to make a difference the same way that my deliverance has made to me. Glory be to God! See you on the road!
Jason
Jason I know you have lost a lot because of your alcoholism most especially your family. I know every day its hard not able to see your children. The one thing that is great to see is that you got your life back. Who knows where that road would have taken you. I am so glad you accepted God into your life. I do hope as each day goes by you start to forgive yourself more and more. I already know God has already forgiven you. Because of your trials and pain you went through you have been able to serve so many others.
As you prepare to make your long journey in just a few days I hope you understand the impact your going to make. So many of us knows the path Jesus walked but so few truly decide to walk in his shoes. That is exactly what your about to do. I pray that through your long ride people will feel your love for those lost and will want to help you on your mission. That mission is to let everyone know that those lost are our brothers and sisters who need our help. I know as you go from city to city God will be smiling down on you. May he strengthen you each day so you can do what is in your heart and that is serve God’s lost children. Everyday I thank God for bringing you into my life. This day I couldn’t be more prouder and blessed to call you my friend.